Self Love Spells for Self Care
Updated: Jun 29, 2022
This is a post about Love Spells – specifically, some of the most important spells you can cast. These spells won’t help you catch that person you have been craving or enchant a partner for your own pleasure. But they will help you to:
· Feel better about yourself
· Gain confidence
· Accept yourself as you are
· Teach yourself about your best features
· Heal your heart & soul
A word about ethics: Magical ethics should fit your mundane ethics. It is as simple as that. Yes, magic gives you access to powers you didn’t have access to before, but that should not require a rethink of your ethics. Before you drove a car, you didn’t run over pedestrians. After you learned to drive a car you didn’t have to delve deep within to decide if you should now run over pedestrians. So if we were talking about traditional love spells of the “attract a new partner” variety, we wouldn’t have to think much about if we should coerces someone or force them into a scenario.
The complexity comes in when we start casting spells on ourselves. Changing your own perceptions/behaviors with spell work is one of the most profound things you can do with magic. Getting a clear picture of who we are, free from the over judge mental chains and self doubts we bind ourselves in can be difficult. Treating ourselves with the same level of compassion and love we would treat treasured friends and family with isn’t always the first response that springs to our minds.
We suffer disappointments, we make mistakes, we don’t live up to our potentials, we let ourselves down. Sometimes, we are able to shake it off, promise to do better next time and move on. Other times, we hold ourselves accountable for mistakes that others have long since forgotten, or forgiven, or never noticed in the first place!
In addition to all that, we are constantly confronted with the message that we aren’t good enough. Advertisements ask us “Are you too short/too tall/to fat/too skinny/too frumpy/too old/too boring/too poor/too lonely/too busy/too tired/too burned out/too stressed/too careless/too boring/too…imperfect? And by the way, are you a good parent/spouse/sibling/child/friend?” We look at social media and are temped to compare ourselves with others’ carefully curated lives, even when we know they are only showing us what they want us to see. It is human nature.
There is a variety of magical work that you can do to increase your self love and acceptance. To figure out where to focus, ask yourself some questions.
1. What messages do you tell yourself? (This always happens to me, I never win, this is typical…)
2. How do you talk to yourself? (You idiot, you should have known, anyone could see, you did it again, dummy!)
3. Are you even telling yourself things like “I don’t deserve love from anyone” or “I deserve to be miserable” or “I have made too many mistakes to recover, it is too late for me.”
Would you talk to your good friends this way? Would you pour those messages into a child’s ear? Would you allow someone to talk to a family member this way?
Let me be the first to tell you that it is not too late. You deserve love from someone, especially yourself. You don’t deserve to be miserable. You have not made too many mistakes, and it is never too late.
The first step of magical self-love is to begin to reduce the amount of real estate you allow these negative message to consume. Please note that I am not saying “eliminate immediately” or “prevent all” negative thoughts. We are human, we have moments of frustration, and the occasional negative self message is going to happen. And that’s okay. Simply notice how often you send negative messages to yourself. Then work on turning the message around, no matter how crazy it sounds.
· I never win becomes I always win.
· I am never on time becomes I am always on time.
· I deserve this becomes I don’t deserve this.
· It’s hopeless becomes I have hope.
· I can’t do this becomes I can do this.
I am a big proponent of keeping a magical diary, so this is the point at which I encourage you to make a note about the messages you notice and how you have turned them around. This list will come in handy later on. But first, just spend a few days or even a week taking note of the messages and writing down their opposites. You can jot them down on a back page or keep a loose page folded inside your diary. Or you can scribble them on a tablet, white board, or napkin.
Over time, you will begin to notice patterns. They may have to do with the content of the messages (Do you always tell yourself negative things about your money management skills, driving skills, relationship skills?) They may have to do with a particular location (Do you send yourself more negative messages at work or at home? Maybe at the bar?) They may even have to do with the people you spend time with (Do you end up getting on your own case after spending time with Uncle Jacob or going to lunch with that one friend — you know which friend I mean?)
The patterns you notice will help you to decide what kind of magical work to do. Or you may not notice a particular pattern. You may realize that the messages are scattered. In that case, you can focus on general self love work. In fact, general self love work is a great place to start, and it is something that you can do while you are collecting information about the negative stories you are telling yourself.
General Self Love Magic – Supplies
· Supportive days of the week o Sunday – Sun, energy, life, sunny outlook, vitality o Monday – Moon, psychism, nurturing, peace, calm o Friday – Venus, love of all sorts, emotions
· Supportive moon phases o Waxing – Growing in the sky, fostering/nurturing things o Full – Psychism, sacred femininity, power, energy
· Helpful colors o Rose pink – self love, acceptance o Pale blue — healing, calm o White – purity, hope, enlightenment o Yellow — upbeat outlook, sunniness o Your favorite colors
· Useful herbs o Rose petals – love, attraction, admiration o Peppermint – mood lifting, concentration, focus o Lavender – purity, relaxation, gentle cleansing, healing o Lemon — vitality, upbeat outlook
· Useful stones o Rose quartz – self love, confidence, attraction o Moonstone – lunar energy, psychism, understanding, nurturing o Citrine – solar energy, hope, vitality, upbeat energy o Amethyst – understanding, wisdom, protection
A candle spell for self love
· Candle — choose one of the colors listed above, or one of your favorite colors
· Candle holder
· Oil – choose one of the scents listed above or use olive oil
· Herb – choose one of the herbs listed above or use one of your favorites
1. Choose a time when you won’t be interrupted.
2. Gather your supplies.
3. Get comfortable (sitting or standing).
4. Deep breathing. Start deep breathing (talk about what that is).
5. Think about the color candle you chose & why you chose it. Consider the things it represents to you. Continue deep breathing and let your mind wander. See what associations come up in relation to the candle color.
6. Cleanse the candle (physical or spiritual or both) if you choose.
7. Carefully carve your name or initials into the candle. Also carve the date of your birth.
8. Anoint the candle with your oil of choice. As you do, say “I name thee, candle, [insert your name]. You are me and I am you. We are joined.” You can say this 1, 3, 7, 9, or 13 times.
9. Gently crush some of the dried herbs into fairly small pieces. Spread them on your working surface and roll the candle in the herbs (it may help to do this on a piece of wax paper). As you cover the oiled candle in herbs, say “Blessed [insert herb name], cover me and sustain me with [desired attribute — self love, your cleansing power, an upbeat outlook].” Again, repeat this 1, 3, 7, 9, or 13 times.
10. Fit the candle into its holder and light it.
11. Focus on the flame of the candle and raise some emotional energy. Let your emotions loose. Think about why you needed to do this ritual and its importance. Let the emotional power build. Turn your attention to imagining what it will feel like when you are filled with self love, are cleansed, filled with an upbeat outlook, etc. Imagine it as vividly as you can. Channel your emotional energy through your imagined images and into the flame of the candle.
12. Let the candle burn for at least an hour. Burn the candle daily until it is gone.
13. If there is any wax left after the candle has burned down, rinse it. In running water (water in your sink will do). As the water runs over the wax, say “Candle, you and I are no longer one, our bond is broken. We are two.” Wrap the wax in a paper bag or white paper and dispose of the wax in the trash.
A bathing ritual for self love
This ritual calls for real attention to detail during the preparation so that you have an absolutely relaxing experience. Take your time with this one, and make sure that you do it when you have plenty of time so that you can fully enjoy it.
· All the things you like to have on hand for a luxury bath or shower. (This list is different for everyone). Your favorite soap, favorite scrubber or washcloth, fancy shampoo and conditioner, thick cozy towels, your favorite robe.
· A rose or citrus bath bomb if bathing
· An extra wash cloth and the following herbs (can be used in the bath or the shower)
o Three pinches of salt
o Rose petals
o A tiny piece of rose quartz
· A piece of string
· Several tea light candles, any colors (but white, blue or pink would be a nice touch)
· A lighter or matches
· Relaxing music
1. Set the scene in your bathroom for a relaxing bath or shower (whichever is your favorite).
2. Put the tea light candles in some safe places and light them.
3. If you choose, play some relaxing music.
4. Spread out the extra wash cloth and put three pinches of salt in the center. As you do, say “Salt, creature of earth, lend your cleansing power to this my spell.”
5. Gently crush some of the lavender and put three pinches of it in the center of the washcloth. As you do, say “Lavender, gentle cleanser and strong healer, remove all negativity and unsettling influences.”
6. Gently crush some of the rose petals and put three pinches in the center of the washcloth. As you do, say “Rose, great instigator of love, show me the way to self acceptance and self love. Allow me to understand place as a beloved child of earth, valued and valuable.”
7. Gather up the four corners of the washcloth, making a bundle of the herbs and salt. Tie it tightly with the string.
8. Make sure that the herb bundle is in reach, get into the shower or bath and take a long relaxing bath/shower.
9. If you are in the bath, stand so that you are out of the water. When you are finished with your physical bathing, take the herb bundle washcloth in your dominant hand. Get the herb bundle wet and gently scrub yourself with it from head to toe.
10. As you scrub, envision all of your self doubts, fears, and all unsettling influences leaving you, being scrubbed away and pouring down into the drain/water beneath you. You can choose to repeat a simple phrase like “I am loved, I am love.”
11. When you are finished, step out of the bath/shower. Before wrapping up in a towel or drying off, (you can wrap your hair in a towel if it is long), stand with your eyes closed. Visualize a pure white light pouring down upon you. A light of love, acceptance, and joy.
12. Finish up your typical bathing routine. Some folks choose to air dry after a ritual like this, others towel off. Make sure to extinguish all of the candles.
A charm for self love
When we are learning to love ourselves, we often find that it is perfectly easy to remain positive and accepting of yourself when you are at home, but you struggle to do so when you leave the house. Bolster your ability to stay positive and accepting by carrying this charm. Charms that you carry with you should be small and easy to carry so keep all of this on a small scale.
· A small piece of pink, white or blue cloth
· String or thread
· A tiny piece of rose quartz
· A small silver colored charm of a heart or other symbol that means love to you
· A small silver colored charm that represents you
· Some oil (scented or plain olive oil)
1. Gather your supplies.
2. Cleanse the rose quartz and charms by running them under water or covering them in salt for a while.
3. Spread the cloth out flat.
4. Put three pinches of salt in the center of the cloth. Say “Salt, creature of earth, lend your cleansing power to this my spell.”
5. Pick up the charm that represents you. Hold it in your dominant hand and say, “Little charm of silver true, let me be represented by you.” Direct some of your personal energy into the charm.
6. Place the charm that represents you in the center of the cloth.
7. Pick up the charm that represents love. Hold it in your dominant hand and say, “Little charm of silver true, let self love be channeled through you.” Visualize the charm being a tiny beacon of universal love.
8. Place the charm that represents love in the center of the cloth.
9. Pick up the small piece of rose quartz. Hold it in your dominant hand and feel the calming feeling of self love that emanates from it. Say, “Beloved stone of self love and acceptance, power my spell and connect me to my true feelings of high self worth and self acceptance. Help me to love myself deeply and compassionately.”
10. Place the piece of rose quarts in the center of the cloth.
11. Gather up the four corners of the cloth and make a bundle of all of the items you put in it. Using the string or thread, wrap it several times around the bundle, knotting it tightly to keep it closed. As you do, visualize all of your intentions and hopes as though they have already happened. Picture yourself living a life filled with self acceptance and love.
12. Carry your little lucky bundle with you in pocket or purse.
13. Every full moon, anoint the outside of the bundle with oil and leave the bundle out in the moonlight to recharge.
Use Tarot for self love/self discovery
Questions you can ask tarot or oracle decks:
· What are the best features about me that I don’t recognize?
· What wonderful things about myself do I overlook?
· What should I do to recognize more of my positive traits?
· What negative messages do I tell myself? How do I overcome them?